The Big Wait

Things going from one appointment to the next. Learning this week more information and clarity. Bobbi’s going to start writing and these will be included in this blog.


“Cancer I hate the word. It has stolen every hair on my body . Chemo the magic potion brought to infuse into my body in a bio hazard bag with nurses gowning gloving and wearing masks I know it is toxic. Yet the toxicity of the chemo is what I am relying on to kill my tumor. They tell me I was fortunate one of the 5% to catch it early. Which they now tell me I have spots on my live. WTF. My instincts told me it was my pancreas. You don’t get urine looking like a quart of motor oil and look like a gilded lady for no reason. Blood sugars out of control. I knew I had cancer before I got a diagnosis I just kept it to myself. You always want to spare those you love from pain they don’t deserve. I think I knew for a long time cancer would be the card I would be dealt in a deck that was stacked. They say life isn’t fair you worked your whole life helping others. To me that was my gift my earthly reward. I have had many gifts my husband whom many had turned their backs and hearts on, how lucky was I despite being ill he has made me feel precious and beautiful. He is not afraid to rub my bald head and make me feel beautiful. I love our children. Shay such a special daughter. I may not have given birth to but she reminds me of myself at a younger age. Not afraid of adventure always striving for perfection and not feeling you are perfect just the way you are. What a gift our special Christmas Charlie Brown tree tied to a curtain rod because ornaments were heavier than the tree. Drinking wine together talking and all during a power outage. The three of us just trying to stay warm in one of the most isolated places on earth. Most people think of DeTour as a different road route yet that is where we were. DeTour Michigan across the road from the mighty Lake Huron. Snow thigh high billions of stars and silence that is deafening. I like her rebel spirit and her wanting to make a difference. I get it she will do great things she has a heart that has endured unimaginable pain from an early age . She is a warrior like her dad and I. To not be bitter amidst life’s challenges . I get angry when I think how such a sweet soul had such tribulations. I think of my moms life losing parents at 18. Fair hell no another survivalist. The bricks in life are hard to endure at times but I will fight. I have love all around me. I have family which some were robbed of at an early age. We are not perfect human beings by any means but we do our best.

Thinking lots about family and friends in Wisconsin. Gotta keep the fight going!”