Tattoo

Thought it was time to update family and friends on the next set of plans in Bobbi’s battle. On April 25 we met with her oncologist Dr. C, and in Petoskey, at Karmanos. She was surprised to see her doing so well after the Whipple procedure close to 4 weeks ago. It was nice visiting with the team of nurses, social worker, all who’ve become friends. Bobbi was her positive and cheerful self. We anxiously waited to see what was coming next.

It was decided that it’d be best for her to undergo 6 weeks of daily radiation and chemotherapy once a a week, then 4 months of additional chemo to follow. We spent the night in Petoskey because we had to meet with the radiology professionals early in the morning. Karmanos is an amazing place to have this done. The social worker there presented us with a voucher for a hotel stay that night.

When we met with her radiology doctor he explained the process. Bobbi drank contrast dye, had a CAT scan, and the areas where it was to be administered was tattooed with three separate dots. One on each side of her midsection and one in the center. Appointments were set up to start this coming Thursday.

Twisty, the tumor in her pancreas was destroyed. But it was adhered to her portal vein. Cancer cells left on the portal vein was confirmed by pathology, which is why they are going to aggressively continue treatments.

Bobbi – “Appointments back to back. Wed met with Dr. Coppola to map out my future chemo. 6 weeks radiation with reduced strength Gemzar 1 week x3 then week off with radiation mon-fri. Then 4 cycles gemzar full strength. Well so much for an optimistic 2 months chemo, but now it’ll take us to probably Labor Day. When does it flipping end? Where does the human spirit find the energy to keep going? The well is pretty damn deep and if I hollered down it an echo would surely sound. Thursday I met my radiation oncologist, very nice doctor. Kind and thorough, making sure our concerns were addressed. Pretty sure he is about Sean’s age or younger. After meeting was given contrast dye to drink and IV access for more contrast then off to CT to get my dot tattoos marking the spots for radiation. Hmmm a permanent reminder of my cancer journey, like I needed anything in permanent ink to remind me that I have cancer. I had to bite my lip! They stung!

The next six weeks ought to be interesting. We’ll be riding the Road to Recovery bus, a program the War Memorial Hospital has here in the Soo, with others getting radiation. It leaves each morning and arrives back later in the afternoon.

Mike shared with me a good insight in looking at all this coming up, because it’s discouraging to now have to endure the upcoming daily radiation, and months more of chemo. It’s depressing. He compared the start of this new journey as the last one. When there is a major storm you look at outside and still the destruction taking place and question how in the heck your going to survive it, rebuild, endure. You wonder where your going to find the energy and positive attitude it’s going to take to get through it. Yet, when you venture out after, take things one day at a time, things slowly look better. Not at once, not without hardship, but you survive. Going into the first rounds of chemo, the Whipple, felt like this. There were many WTF moments! It’s taking awhile for my digestive system to heal. I’m on a medication named Creon to help the pancreas break down food better. What type of foods that can be handled is still a hit or miss type of thing.

Thought after the Whipple there’d be less of a battle. Doctor C said she wasn’t going to BS me in saying this would be easy. And we know it won’t. Yet I know I’m going to beat this. Didn’t know how or when in the beginning, but we did. Don’t know how or when we will now, but know we will! It just gets so exhausting digging deep and finding the energy it takes to fight this cancer. We talk a lot, he gives me pep talks when down. I know it’s been difficult on him emotionally and physically but he keeps on going and is the glue of this crazy experience. Everyone’s support and love has played an important part. I’m glad he stayed on me about trying to write what feelings are taking place. It’s helped a lot. Doing good and have to remember we’re only 4 weeks out of surgery. Today was spent digging in my garden and getting hands dirty. A place where I forget about what’s taking place. Wasn’t sure if there’d be a garden this year some months back! Onward we go, Thursday chemo and first radiation treatment. Adds up to about 7500 miles of traveling the next 5 months. Glad it’s not winter!

While we drove to see brother Steve on Sunday we seen hundreds of Sand Hill Crane birds in a farmers field. It was amazing. When different wildlife cross our path I often look up the message to see what they symbolize. This is what was written – “Here in the center of the storm you can see the vortex surrounding you, the vortex is the field of your unharnessed emotions, fears, pain and stored trauma where you can feel lost and overwhelmed and not know how to find your way out.  At the core of all storms is the eye, it is where you see the light has broken through the clouds, this is where the calm waters give safety.  It is here that you have perfect clarity and can see the overriding power of your emotions surrounding you.”

Kind of feels this way right now. A few months off chemo has brought a lot of clarity to everything. After all this the butterfly will soar!”

6 thoughts on “Tattoo

  1. Oh my sweet beautiful Sister, this too shall pass. Yes you will Soar like a butterfly, but as I think of you soaring it would be more majestic like an Eagle. You are our Warrior princess.
    You are on my mind and in our prayers constantly, you are our big Sister wise and wonderful, whom we all look up toand LOVE.
    May you’re next journey be Healing.
    I know the radiation bus will never be the same and lives will be changed because of your beautiful spirit!
    Onward bright star. Soar like the Eagle princess you are.
    Love you now and forever.

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  2. I don’t know you personally but it was a pleasure to read your account of your journey and how the human spirit always finds a way to rise. Have been through a similar experience last year with my mother and I can assure you that “This too shall pass” and life will be normal again. Blessings to you! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Bobbi, you have shown so much strength and courage and I know there is more of it even if it is down that deep well. You will be able to draw it up. And you have Mike the best coach ever right there with you. I always thought that digging in the dirt and being out in God’s beautiful creation was good therapy so keep doing that too when you can. My prayers for you continue.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for the update. Sand cranes are a (not necessary) reminder of where you’ve been and where you’ve yet to travel. You’ve come far, Grasshopper! Keep your eye on the endgame and all that awaits your successful journey. 💜💜💜

    Liked by 1 person

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