Don’t Drop The Rose’

Seen The Guess Who last week. Bobbi’s mom surprised us with two tickets for a night out. A year ago, to the day, Bobbi was discharged from the hospital after undergoing her Whipple surgery. After the concert the car had to be pulled out of the mud by a tow truck though! The right side of the front wheel was parked on grass, and it sank about 4 inches into the soft wet ground. Being a front wheel drive car it only took a couple spins of the tire and there it sat. What can you do? Shit happens. Made little sense to get worked up and upset. It wouldn’t have suddenly lifted the car and float it over two inches. Was a good concert and felt good to get out. The temps here in the Soo finally hit 60 so that’s a reason to celebrate on its own. Bobbi has spent the last few weeks getting her seedling started, and garden area set up. Looking forward to some calm evenings simply enjoying peaceful nights and hearing the freighter horns passing through the Locks. It was one long winter. Nice to have it in the rearview mirror. Though now dodging the pot holes in the road is an adventure. Had great news on the birth of a new Grandson, Jordan Everett Stouffer. Adam and Julie’s world suddenly changed on April 4th. Really happy for them. Believe everyone should experience the love that bringing a child into this world together brings. Wishing the world was a kinder and more peaceful place right now, some interesting times we live in. You really do have to live one day at a time. Turning off cable news and all the talking heads on TV is huge. 

Bobbi and I have talked a lot on the next round of her medical scans and follow-up appointment. She’s decided to not go through with them. She’s said realistically what can be done if the news wasn’t good? Her doctor told her endless treatments of chemotherapy for palliative care if things turn south. The last paperwork from radiology said that spots on her lungs were suspicious for Mets and should me monitored. First reaction was disbelief. Really? After all this? “Might be, could be, believe so…” Have heard it before to only become concerned and stressed of what the future held for false readings. Not going to go there this time. She told her doctor that she wasn’t going to live her life based on one scan after another. If anything could be done in helping her great, but playing whack a mole wasn’t going to be the road she was going to travel. Many assumed after the surgery, radiation, chemo, ringing the bell, that she was “cured”. We knew that wasn’t the case. It’s easy to confuse being done with a set of procedures as the illness being beat. She had exhausted all medical procedures that could be done. She’s in a really good space not thinking nonstop about whether its Mets or isn’t and accepting today for what it is. The good, the bad, an the ugly. Really, all we could learn from this point on is bad news. These are some heavy issues discussed. I support her decision 100%. I did the same with my situation. Have everything available to us that the hospitals can provide. Bobbi said she didn’t need a ton of tests, monitors, needle pricks, to tell us what she already knows. If each of us are happy with today, why enter into different waters? We believe we’re going to continue to beat the odds and so called statistics. Chemotherapy indefinitely would destroy the quality of the life Bobbi is determined to live. Whether its a year or ten years. Ask her how she’s doing and your going to get thumbs up and a smile. She is one tough woman. Yet a hug and understanding with no words exchanged go a long ways. In addition to a few pep talks now and then. She knows what’s going on and is facing things like a warrior. Its hard to read either of us because we tend to put on our best face during the worst times. She’s not giving up or quitting. She’s deciding what’s best for her and what her wishes are. We are looking forward to many things the next few months.

This experience has certainly opened our eyes to a lot of things. The people in our lives are keeping the wheels on the wagon going. Emotions really have to be kept in check. These are tough times for millions of people. I’m all for freedom, baseball and apple pie but a majority of people are living from paycheck to paycheck. You just have to keep on pushing forward though. Have your priorities on the things that matter most in order. It’s a shame what’s happening to families, friends, neighbors when hardships hit. The loss of a job, falling ill, many are quickly drained of lifesavings and poisoned with promises of false hope. Insurance and the price of medicine is a joke and should be a crime. Insurance companies decide life an death decisions that should be left to doctors. I could go on and on. Is there bitterness and anger? Yes, a lot. But so what. It doesn’t change anything. Now the politicians will again start their rants on how “they” will change the system. The system won’t change as long as big money and power are calling the shots. Power doesn’t conceded power too often so not holding our breath on that one. Many live on the hope each day that an accident or illness is avoided. Insurance is simply a coupon. Our most positive experiences have been dealing with the workers on the frontline of healthcare. Most the doctors, nurses, support workers have been a huge blessing. Is it embarrassing? Sure, at times, it sucks telling bill collectors they’ll get what we can give them and no more. I tell them their name is put in a hat and who gets their name pulled out gets a bit. If you call 40 times a day your name won’t even be put in the hat. They could careless about a family already having to skip meals, cut medications, or both. Or their car flashing “service engine soon” is a panic light. Won’t even get started about the telemarketers! A lot of times, out of nowhere, loved ones and friends have changed what seemed like dire circumstances in our world that we had no clue how we’d deal with them. We’ve had to make some tough choices between different things but you do the best you can with what you have. It’s nothing to feel ashamed about. As many have heard, It’s not about getting knocked down, it’s about figuring out how to get back up. That really is what defines a persons character. I’ve witness some unbelievable courage and strength from the woman I’m blessed to call my wife and share our world together. I’ve really grown closer to her family the last few years and it feels good.

Traveling long distances is a thing of the past, physically and financially. There are good days and bad days (not going to get into all that). You make adjustments. You don’t let a bad day or moment define you. What use to really bother Bobbi was hearing “your looking good” (after having just lost 5 pounds and not sleeping for 2 days). She understands it now. Compared to past pictures and videos being on deaths doorstep it’s certainly true. She takes it as the compliment its meant to be. Would you rather hear “man, you really look like crap today”? Do the best you can, tackle each day with faith, wear your chains with grace, and believe you will get through whatever life throws at you. Not an easy chore at times. It’s about attitude and being unafraid to tell your challenge “screw you, not today”! And before you know it you go to bed and start the process all over again. The impacts of our family and friends is what heals the heart the most! A short message, a call, card, go a long way. Allow yourself, and loved ones, the time and space to comprehend everything. There is grief, anger, sorrow, victories, life is a rollercoaster. Know when your on calm waters because you can be assured your boat is going to take on water at some point. 

And finally, if you know someone battling a health issue, a loved one, friend, don’t feel sorry for them or define them by their circumstance. Simply love them and know each person is a temporary gift in each others life. Don’t let petty gripes turn into long drawn out battles. Don’t let the fruit rotten before its picked and we heard from someone important to us not to drop the roses that come your way. Look for the good in others and speak up for the ones who have no voice. This is our last posting so thanks having followed and encouraging us. Hoping something will help another when their boat takes on water.

17 thoughts on “Don’t Drop The Rose’

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your experience, strength, and hope. Gardening is definitely the best. I keep thinking that it is so life affirming, how can I possibly die when I have vegetables, fruit, and herbs to harvest. Here in New Orleans, we can darn near garden year round!

    I like beating the odds. I was supposed to be dead from Stage 4 stomach cancer 15 months ago, but I am still going and have no intention of stopping any time soon. I truly believe that having a positive attitude and an attitude of gratitude is a critical complement to my traditional treatment as well.

    Peace be with you,

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Bobbi and Mike bask in the joy of your life and love every minute of it!! Bobbi I sure do miss seeing you since I left aspirus. Your spirit and humor are so infectious and delightful. You will be in my prayers and I wish you only the best my dear!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Love you both so much. Always good to read your posts. Don’t ever drop the Rose, just smell it’s fragrance, see it’s beauty and know that it’s meant for You!
    Love our family!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I had no idea. I’m stage 3 breast cancer, but now 6 years into it. Its a scary, fucked up disease. It sure makes you realize that nothing matters More than your health and there is no better medicine than the love of family and friends. Sending my love.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you so much for this “final” chapter. It sounds more like a new beginning of Part III: Life with Mike and Bobbi. Both of your outlooks on life and the future are the direct result of your recent past. You reach a point of actively deciding what matters…what’s important…and what can kiss your ass. I am so happy you have each other! Much Love…💚💛❤️💙💖

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Will be anxious to see your garden when it starts growing. Need warm weather for that. The only thing coming up in mine is the rubarb and a few sticks of asperagus.

    Liked by 1 person

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